I was admitted to the Royal Berks on 3rd November 2001 via ED to a general ward. On the ward I was seen by the outreach team and transferred to ICU with acute pancreatitis where I spent the next 46 days.

My medical conditions included renal failure, pneumonia, severe sepsis, multi organ failure, delirium etc. I was ventilated after 2 days on the unit and then after 10 days had a tracheostomy.  I was transferred to a general ward on the 18th December 2001.

But I had to be transferred to St Thomas hospital High dependency unit on the 24th January 2002 as the consultant wanted to attempt a surgical drainage of my intra-abdominal fluid collections and a pancreatic necrosectomy, but they were unable to carry out due a complete lack of availability of a HDU or ICU bed at the Royal Berks.

At the end January I was transferred to a general ward, but on the 19th February I was admitted to ICU for the next 30 days after having a Laparotomy and 2 days later a Peritoneal Lavage and removal of Necrotic pancreatic tissue.

I had another tracheostomy on 8th March and again as before had multi organ failure, pneumonia and delirium. On the 21st March I was transferred to a general ward thinking I’m homeward bound, but it was another 3 months before finally discharged from hospital on the 24th June 2002. I started physio in August and the officially discharged from the care of the consultant in April 2003.

So why after all that time in hospital would I want to spend even more time at the Royal Berks hospital the majority of which was in the ICU. The springboard to volunteering was attending the follow up clinic in November 2002.

It was wonderful that once you were wheeled out of that door, you were not forgotten.

It was a chance to have my questions and doubts, answered by people who had been involved in my care and had actually been with me throughout my stay.

They gave me a clearer picture and understanding of the anguishes that my illness had caused, they filled in some blanks.

The best thing personally was that I was given the chance to visit the unit and meet some of the people who had cared for me, and I could personally thank them for saving my life, I only wish it could have been all of them. It will be something I can never forget. 

So before I started volunteering I was asked to present on my ICU experience at various events and this gave me a far better understanding of what was needed and how I could be a small part of that.

So when Melanie offered me the opportunity to volunteering in the unit, it was a 100% yes.

Lucky for me I had previously been back to the unit a few times but the first few times volunteering and seeing all those seriously ill patients was a shock to the system, but it helped that I knew many of the staff (many who had cared for me).

I started off being looked after by Liz who taught me my first job which was the restocking of each beds individual trolleys with medical equipment, which was very interesting learning their uses, I tried to remember the ones that had been inserted in me, as most of the time I just remember tubes, needles and the famous suction tube.

Probably the most important job I performed was in the staff kitchen, it was the maintaining and cleaning of the staff drinks machine, a vital bit of kit in the eyes of many. The machine would need cleaning, locating blockages (it did cross my mind that if ever there was a use for a suction tube this was it) and descaling which could take up to an hour, then there was restocking and the most important was the hot chocolate which was a firm favourite of the night shift staff.

The drinks machine was not only for staff but just as importantly for the relatives in the waiting area and offering them a drink was a good way of introducing myself and if they wanted a chat I was more than happy to spend time with them.

The most satisfying part of volunteering was talking to patients in ICU as we could relate to each other and I could try to normalise what had or was happening to them. I would try to answer their questions to the best of my knowledge, but if there was a certain issue I was unsure about I would tell a member of staff who could help them.

I would occasionally be asked to go to a patient who had been transferred to a general ward. The most important thing was to try and reassure them that from one to one nursing in ICU to the step down of less nursing contact was a normal stressful reaction and unsettling but being on the ward was a step nearer to going home.

Some of my other tasks including taking donations to the charity office, ensuring that the ICU leaflet rack was tidy and full, some filing etc

I know volunteering is not for everyone, but some of the other volunteers did what they were comfortable with which included admin work, helping patients that were allowed to eat choose their meals and then take the order to the kitchen.

What did I and others get out of volunteering?

It was CARTHARTIC which basically means involving the release of strong emotions through a particular activity or experience and it especially helped dealing with the ICU memories that we all carried in our heads. What I learnt from the unit I have taken and used to help at the support group meetings.   

What about the Patients?

Hopefully, by talking to the volunteers they felt that they were not the only ones to have suffered these unique experiences and that there was someone to share their worries and stresses with a person who had been through what they were going through and understood the ICU journey.

For the relatives, I cannot second guess the nightmare they were going through but by chatting to me and seeing how far I had come, hopefully it gave them hope that there was light at the end of the tunnel and things can slowly get better.

What do the staff gain?

I know that for them seeing the complete change of a patient from being in a bed kept alive by machines to a walking and talking individual, it gave meaning to all the long and stressful hours that they dedicated to saying people’s lives.